Sea of Unicorns - Part One, Second Draft

Okay, enough stalling. Time for round two. I kept a fair amount of what I wrote the first time around, but the majority of it's changed. I addressed both of Jen's concerns: one is stated more directly and the other will come in at a later point in the story. This is probably it for Part One for now. I don't know if I'd normally write a second draft of a small section like this before getting anything else done, but I really wasn't happy with my first pass. This probably isn't final either, but it's good for now. There's nothing so "fun" as working on one part of your story until its exactly how you want it, then getting three more chapters in and discovering you don't need it or it just doesn't work wit the direction you're taking now. So you probably won't see more than two drafts on anything for a while unless it blows beyond all reason.

I'm not sure what the next story segment will be, or even if it's what happens next chronologically. I'm thinking about writing a little piece about unicorns as they are in this story, partly for your edification, and partly so I don't forget what I have in mind as facts. It will almost certainly never show up in the final story; it's just some added info for now.


Even if I hadn't been looking for the unicorns, I'm sure I would have noticed them. I'd been watching for them ever since Brogal and I had returned to the tavern for our last meal before we moved on. But even if I hadn't been, I'm certain I would have seen them. They didn't look like anyone I'd ever seen before. They weren't merely pale; I had seen pale-skinned nobles who spent most of their days inside stone walls. The unicorns were bright white all over, the color of the palest moon. The man's garb was quite ordinary for a healer, but the woman was wearing a dress of extremely deep blue. They were both barefoot, which was almost unheard of in this part of the kingdom. Even the way they moved stood out. They had a certain gracefulness about them, a light step that barely seemed to disturb the dust on the floor. And even though they seemed relaxed, they held their fingers curled up against their palms. Not surprisingly, I wasn't the only one who turned around when they came in with Hesker.

Without looking up from his half-finished roast, Brogal tapped me with the back of his hand, letting me know I was obviously staring. I turned back to my own food and fought the urge to sneak another look as Hesker and his guests sat down at the far corner table. Brogal seemed far more interested in his meal than the newcomers, but even his eyes occasionally wandered toward the back of the room.

"You think they're married?" I asked. It was a silly question, but I had been wondering and it seemed like decent light conversation.

Brogal was in the middle of a long drink from his heavy stein and didn't answer for a minute.

"Maybe not with a royal decree on it," he said at last. "But I imagine they are. Way I hear it, they stay with their mates for life and don't spend much time around anyone else."

I nodded. This fit with the little I'd heard in stories about unicorns. They were renowned to their loyalty to their mates. I glanced over at Hesker's table again. The woman was sitting close to the man with her hand resting over his. She seemed to be the one responding to most of Hesker's questions. The man was mostly quiet, only once in a while adding a brief quiet or nodding in agreement with his wife.

"So what can they do for us?" I asked, turning back to my food and Brogal.

Brogal shrugged. "Healing, likely. They're supposed to be damn good at healing, even when they're human."

He took another deep swig of his ale, using it as an excuse to lean back far and have a look himself.

"We'll know soon enough," he added, setting the heavy stein back on the table.

"Any idea why they want to help us?" This was the question I had given the most thought to. Though it was quite rare, it was not unheard of for unicorns in human form to be seen traveling from town to town offering their services as healers. But for them to stay in one place for more than a few days, or even to join up with a group like ours, was unheard of. On top of that, unicorns were regarded as shy and peaceful creatures. What interest could they have in us and our battles?

"Not a one," answered Brogal. "We don't even know yet if they'll actually join, so let's not get too excited yet."

I nodded. Brogal went back to his meal and I tried not to look like I was eavesdropping. We had been holed up at the tavern ever since Hesker got word that two "interesting people" wanted to speak to him about joining the fight. It took several days to make certain it wasn't an ambush. Even then, we were taking a risk. The tavern was supposedly safe and well into free territory, but that could easily changed and staying in any place for too long was dangerous. We were impatient to get back to the front. If Hesker was willing to stay at the tavern for as long as we had, he had to believe he could convince these unicorns to help us. I'd seen Hesker recruit enough people to believe it too.

Brogal jabbed at my shoulder with his stein. Hesker and the unicorns had left their table and were coming over to ours. Hesker seemed to be in good spirits and the unicorns were walking alongside him with that same easy soft stride as before. It seemed all but certain that they would be joining our fight.

"Brogal. Lenna." Hesker kept his voice just a bit lower than normal, as he usually did when speaking to us in a public place like the tavern. "We're going to have new healers joining us."

This was the first time I had seen the unicorns up close. They were slender and not particularly tall, though they both appeared fairly strong. Their ears were slightly pointed, which might make someone think they had a trace of elvish ancestry. Looking at their foreheads, I could just make the faint gray nunis in the center, marking where the bases of their horns would be. Hesker introduced both of us, then stepped back and turned to the man.

"This is Greyen."

Greyen smiled and nodded at us in greeting. He had a long face with sharp features, making him look even more elvish. His white hair was cut short and framed his face very neatly. He had dark eyes, too dark to be called any particular color save black. He was dressed in traditional healer's garb:a fawn colored tunic and leggings, slung with pouches of various sizes for carrying herbs, potions, and dressings. I glanced at his belt and noticed he didn't carry a weapon. I wasn't yet sure if he would want one.

"And this is Veres," Hesker added as the woman stepped forward.

Veres was just a little smaller hat her husband, though no quite as thin. She had a thick tangle of white hair falling around her face in loose, uneven curls. I now noticed that the deep blue dress nearly matched here eyes. Still, I wondered how long she would be able to keep it as we tried to travel unnoticed. The dress had no obvious pockets, so I guessed she must have left her supplies elsewhere. She grinned broadly at us and shook our hands, which was a bit of a surprise after Greyen's reserved greeting. We must have looked a little surprised, but Veres simply laughed in an easy, friendly manner. I was almost certain we'd hear a lot of her laughter in days to come. We could certainly use some cheer at the front.

"We should get moving as soon as possible," Hesker said when the introductions were through. "we've stayed here too long as it is and we need to be getting back to the front."

"We'll just need time to get the rest of our things," Veres said. "And to say goodbye to Connor. He's been very kind, letting stay here." Greyen nodded in agreement.

"Meet us by the front door when you're ready," said Hesker. "Don't be too long."

Veres smiled and rushed back up the tavern stairs. Greyen followed her at a slower pace.

"You sure we can trust them?" Brogal whispered after they had gone.

Hesker nodded and motioned a barmaid over to order one last drink. "The main thing was making sure they were really unicorns before we met them. When I was young, we had one pass through our village. Lucky thing too; my sister had broken her arm not two days earlier. They're powerful healers, even when they're human, and I guess they just know where they're needed. And they don't lie to you. They may keep a thing from you, but if you ask them an honest question, they'll answer you honest. Worst they'll do is say they can't tell you."

"Did they say why they're helping us?" I asked Hesker. He shook his head a little.

"I asked them," he replied. "And Veres just said it was the right thing to do. That's all I know and I didn't press it."

"He doesn't say much, does he?" Brogal noted, inclining his head towards the stairs.

"Veres talks a lot more," agreed Hesker, as the barmaid came by with his drink. "But Greyen'll talk if he has something to say. He's just not one to waste words."

We sat in silence for a while, possibly worried about wasting words ourselves. Brogal and Hesker finished their drinks while I kept an eye on the stairs. Finally, Hesker set his empty mug down.

"I'll go and pay Connor what we owe," he said, getting up from his seat. "You two finish eating and make sure you're ready to leave."

Hesker headed over to the bar to settle our bill. We polished off the remnants of our meals and headed upstairs to finish packing for our journey.

Sea of Unicorns - Part One, First Draft

OK, time to get rolling. This is a story that's been bouncing around my head for quite some time. I just kind of remembered it recently and thought it might actually deserve writing. The title may well be temporary, as it doesn't make any sense until somewhere in the middle and it doesn't really click until very close to the end. Names may be changed as well. Feel free to comment and please, please ask me how I came up with the word "nunis". It's a good story, possibly even better than this one.

It was not a surprise when Brogal told me our two potential new allies were actually unicorns. I don't know that I would have guessed, but they were definitely unusual people. They weren't merely pale. Their skin and hair were both almost unnaturally white. Their ears were slightly pointed, though that could easily be mistaken for some elvish ancestry. Most telling, though you could easily miss it, was the light grey nunis on each of their foreheads marking where the horn would be. "Unicorns" might not have been my first guess, but it was not a shock.

"So what can they do for us?" I asked Brogal, stealing a cautious glance at the newcomers at the table across the room.

Brogal shrugged. "Healing, maybe. I hear they're damn good at healing, even when they're human."

He took a deep swig of his ale, using it as an excuse to lean back far and have a look himself.

"Hesker'll know soon enough," he added, setting the heavy stein back on the table.

"Any idea why they want to help us?" Even then, I had no illusions about the importance of our cause outside of our corner of the kingdom. Back then, a local lord making a grab for freemen's land was nothing unusual. The crown had little real power outside of the capitol. "Local disputes" were left to the disputing parties to fight out. Once the battles were over, the Royal Army showed up and laid down the law in favor of the winner.

"Not a one. We don't even know yet if they'll actually join, so let's not get too excited yet."

I nodded. Brogal went back to his drink and I tried not to look like I was eavesdropping. We had been holed up at the tavern ever since Hesker got word that two "interesting people" wanted to speak to him about joining the fight. It took several days to make certain it wasn't an ambush. Even then, we were taking a risk. The tavern was supposedly safe and well into free territory, but that could easily changed and staying in any place for too long was dangerous. Most of us were impatient to get back on the move. If Hesker was willing to stay at the tavern for as long as we had, he had to believe these unicorns would be able to help us.

Brogal jabbed at my shoulder with his stein. Hesker and the unicorns had left their table and were coming over to ours. Hesker seemed to be in good spirits and the unicorns were walking alongside him. It seemed all but certain that they would be joining our fight.

"Brogal. Lenna." Hesker kept his voice just a bit lower than normal, as he usually did when speaking to us in a public place like the tavern. "We're going to have new healers joining us.

He stepped back, turning to the man standing beside him.

"This is Greyen."

Greyen smiled and nodded at us. He was slender and stood just a little taller than Hesker. His hair was cut short and his eyes were too dark to be called any particular color. He was dressed in a fawn colored tunic and leggings, both covered with pouches of various sizes. This was typical of traveling healers who carried all their herbs, potions, and dressings with them. I glanced at his belt and noticed he didn't carry a weapon. Hesker would probably find him one soon, though I wasn't sure yet if he'd actually be going into battles with us.

"And this is Veres," Hesker added, indicating the woman.

Veres was smaller hat her husband, though no quite as thin. She had a thick tangle of white hair falling around her face in loose, uneven curls. She wore a plain dress, but of the deepest blue I had ever seen. I wondered how long Hesker would put up with her wearing something that stood out so much. The dress had no obvious pocket, so I guessed she must have left her supplies elsewhere. She grinned broadly at us and shook our hands, which was a bit of a surprise after Greyen's reserved greeting. Maybe we seemed a bit taken aback because she drew back a little and curtseyed. We smiled awkwardly and blushed. Few of the local women were so formal. If Veres noticed our embarrassment at all, she didn't show it.

"We need to get moving as soon as possible," Hesker said when the introductions were through. "we've stayed here too long as it is and we need to be getting back to the front."

"We'll just need time to get the rest of our things," Veres said. "And to say goodbye to Connor. He's been very kind to let us stay here." Greyen nodded in agreement.

"Meet us by the front door when you're ready," said Hesker. "Don't be too long."

Veres smiled and rushed back up the tavern stairs. Greyen followed her at a slower pace.

"You sure we can trust them?" Brogal whispered after they had gone.

Hesker nodded and motioned a barmaid over to order one last drink. "The main thing was making sure they were really unicorns before we met them. When I was young, we had one pass through our village. Luck thing too; my sister had broken her arm not two days earlier. Even when they're human, they're powerful healers. And they don't lie to you. They may keep a thing from you, but if you ask them an honest question, they'll answer you honest. Worst they'll do is says they can't tell you."

"Did they say why they're helping us?" I asked Hesker. He shook his head a little.

"I asked them," he replied. "And Veres just said it was the right thing to do. That's all I know and I didn't press it."

"He doesn't say much, does he?" Brogal noted, inclining his head towards the stairs.

"Veres talks a lot more," agreed Hesker, as the barmaid came by with his drink. "But Greyen'll talk if he has something to say. He's just not one to waste words."

We sat in silence for a while, possibly worried about wasting words ourselves. Brogal and Hesker finished their drinks while I kept an eye on the stairs. Finally, Hesker set his empty mug down.

"I'll go and pay Connor what we owe," he said, getting up from his seat. "You two make sure you're ready to leave."

Hesker headed over to the bar as we headed upstairs to finish packing for our journey.

Introduction

Well, I did it. I've been thinking about picking up fiction writing again for a while. Now, at the very least, I have somewhere to put what I write. Whether this will actually lead to me being more productive is anyone's guess. But for the time being, my intentions are good.

What you're going to see here are mostly story fragments. You might see a few paragraphs of one thing, a chapter of another, some character notes for something completely different, a rough outline, or some notes that make sense only to me. I imagine I'll try to keep the stuff that doesn't make sense out of public view. The segments of story may very well be out of order, though I don't really like to tip my hand too early storywise. You will, however, probably be seeing my various drafts and getting an inside look at my writing process. My "process" usually consists of putting together some strings of words that feel passable at the time, stopping, reading it over the next day, throwing up, tossing 80% or more of what I wrote out and starting over. So you, lucky readers, will get to see aspects of my writing that I normally wouldn't show to anyone. At least, until I lose my nerve.

I welcome comments, good or bad. I wouldn't be posting this stuff if I wasn't willing to get some feedback. I only ask that you try to be constructive; I can't do much with "It's good" or "It sucks." And even if everyone hates them, I will not remove any posts unless I actually manage to get something published, in which case the story will probably be removed. I do reserve the right to remove any replies that are not relevant or constructive.

So read, feel free to comment, and hopefully enjoy.